We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
