worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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