I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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