You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
