U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
