I think i peed on brittanys purse
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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