i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
