i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
