I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
