omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
