You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
