yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
