so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Michael Bay diarrhea
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
