No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
