i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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