it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
