yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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