whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
