He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
