Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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