Porn is love you can see.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
