with your own penis?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
