mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
