I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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