So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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