Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
