So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
