I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
