So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
