3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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