She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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