we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
