I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
