Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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