More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
