I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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