look no pants
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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