Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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