this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
