If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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