I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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