I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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