She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
