Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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