More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
