I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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