they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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