So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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