my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
