Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
