He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
