I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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