i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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