Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
