Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
