no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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