dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
