If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
