Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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