no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Boobs are out for the taking
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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