love makes seman taste better
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
