After last night, I could never be a politician.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
