I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
