Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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