Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
