You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
