Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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