Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
