my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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