I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
