you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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